Shame on me if you fool me twice...

I am living in a cycle.

And I don't know why or how this happens, but it always comes down to this.

And I'm always this person.

Is it a terrible thing to become so numb to disappointment that it doesn't hurt anymore?

I find myself consumed with the daily grind and all that that entails... with emotions and rumors and gossip and boys, what other people are doing and things that are said.

And then I go to bed empty, with the realization of this void that is filled but then I empty out again in a vicious cycle that consumes my very being.

And yet I know better.

And yet I continue to wage this war.

I know that: 

Every good and perfect gift is from above...

To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose...

 

God's thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are my ways His ways...

He knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me...

Lord, I believe. HELP THOU MINE UNBELIEF!

It startles me how easily my focus can be shifted, how quickly my evil, bitter heart can turn.

But it hurts.

But I don't want to show it.

I just want so desperately for once in my life to not end up here...

   Second place and two feet tall.