What Nouwen Said...

Death Cab says that "Love is watching someone die."
Who's going to watch me die?

Potentially no one...
Maybe my sister and my cats or something. Who really knows.

I am being a little punk. Things are really not so bad.

But I struggle a lot with why some people have the world while others have nothing.
I wonder why some people marry and others don't... why half the people I graduated with are getting married next summer while some can't even get a number??
Some people have loving, caring families and others live and die alone.
How is this fair?!
And yet it has to be a part of some plan so much greater than us that we can't understand.

People fail us, don't rise to our expectations or meet our needs, and we become angry because of how deeply we longed for them to. This is when the heart breaks... when we have attached it to things it is not supposed to be attached to.

I have read enough books and heard enough sermons to know this.
But when will I begin to live in the knowledge of what I know?

Henri Nouwen in his book The Inner Voice of Love says it better than anyone...

"You keep listening to those who seem to reject you.
But they never speak about you. They speak about their own limitations. They confess their poverty in the face of your needs and desires. They simply ask for your compassion. They do not say that you are bad, ugly, or despicable.they say only that you are asking for something they cannot give and that they need to get some distance from you to survive emotionally.
The sadness is that you perceive their necessary withdrawal as a rejection of you instead of as a call to return home and discover there your true belovedness."

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I'm starting to believe God keeps bringing me back to this place because I still haven't learned my lesson. There is no person, no man, no friend that will fill this space.
I act like an idiot and He breaks my heart to bring me back.